“Perfect love casts out all fear, for fear hath torment. And he that loveth not knoweth not God; for God is love.” 1 John 4:18
We are born with a need for love and fear is waiting at the door when we don’t receive it. The first time we are touched and held as an infant, the need for love is met, but only for a moment. As an infant, the ability to hold on to love has not been established. The ability to hold on when someone says they are holding you is what we call “trust”.
Just as a baby will continue to cry until he/she learns how to trust, we as adults will continue to cry and complain until we mature and learn to trust God completely.
We first learn to trust through loving, nurturing parents. We learn that we can trust them to return, even when they are away for a day. Once trust has been established, they can be away for longer periods of time and we still feel secure and loved. Their continual flow of love keeps our hearts soft. A lack of love due to neglect, rejection or abuse is painful and causes emotions to shut down, so the heart begins to harden.
Each time pain is felt, a stone is formed in the heart. After a period of time, the stones form a wall around the heart for protection against further pain. A person with a stony heart has a difficult time receiving love from God or others. The very thing that is needed is blocked out.
We all have areas of our heart that are stony due to the fact that we all have been hurt when love did not flow properly from our parents. They could only give what they received from their parents. You cannot drink water from an empty cup.
Women, did you have long periods of time when your father wasn’t in your life? You may have built a wall around your heart making it difficult to trust and receive love from your husband. Men, did you have a long period of time when you were not receiving nurturing from your mother? You may experience difficulty trusting and receiving love from your wife.
Ask God for His perfect love to fill you; for God is the only one who has perfect love, (I John 4:18).
Imperfect love hurts; perfect love heals.
Written by Denise Boggs.